Thursday, June 28, 2012

Keith Giffen Suicide Squad bio page for Blog Crossovers

I know what your all thinking. Why on earth would I post this given my scalding review of the short lived Keith Giffen Suicide Squad series. And quite frankly I don't blame you, but truth is I'm doing it as a favor to Frank from the Martian Manhunter blog who offered me a bunch of money and some sexually favors in exchange for posting this bio as part of a themed blog cross over series. For the record I only took the money.


  1. Well it's not my fault if you weren't up for being the meat in a Pre-New 52 Amanda Waller/Mad Harriet sandwich! Besides, you can't tell me that shot of Havana isn't sexy as hell.

    1. well i certainly dig the "Lara Croft" look she's gone going on i'll give you that Frank. by the way Frank even though we have a difference of opinion over the Giffen series you must have enjoyed my recent SS 52 bashing of late?

    2. . . and by the way Frank that pre-52 Waller/Mad Harriet sandwich sounds rather unpleasant but at least you didn't throw Granny Goodness into that mix.

  2. Was that it? I was kinda' hoping for something a little more shocking.

    In fact I made up a top 10 list of possible WTF moments you might've mentioned today:

    1). After many years of living in the SF Bay area, you finally succumbed to the influence of the Homosexual

    community, and announced that you were switching teams. You have finally come out of the closet and hopping to have

    a joyous civil union with Omega by years' end. Mozel Tov indeed!

    2).On the flipside to that, is that Sholmo, tired of Woody Allen hogging all the controversy and spotlight, proudly

    announced that he too now has an underage Asian lover. When last we checked on Shlomo and his lovely fiancee' Poon

    -Tang, they were very much in love and planning on getting married by years' end. Congrats you sly bastard!:)

    3).Dissapointed with the further pushing back of the release date for the new GI Joe movie, Sholmo decided to

    create his own GI Joe team, hastily named GI Shlomo. Their battle cry was reported as being "YO Shlomo!", because

    "Can I get a turkey on rye" was considered not scary enough.

    4).Being a devout, but innovational Jew, Shlomo grew tired of the same old customary method of circumcision, and

    decided to totally re-invent the whole process. Shlomo has now been officially ordained as a rabbi and now performs

    his own revolutionary method of removing foreskin called "Shlomo-cision." He can be heard proudly proclaiming that

    his customers have just been "Hungstiened" or "Shlomoed."

    5).Not content to have only one brand of kosher hot-dogs out on the market, Shlomo announced his own brand of

    kosher wieners named "Shlomo's Shlongs." When informed by the USDA and outraged parents groups that he couldn't go

    with that name, he re-named them "Shlomo's Sausages." because "Little Smokies" was already taken.

  3. 6).Shlomo announces that after years of being a proud and dedicated Jew, that he has had a change of heart, and has

    now converted to Islam. When asked why the sudden change, Shlomo was quoted as saying "Because Islam promised me

    that I could have my choice of 66 virgins if I switched teams." Shlomo soon found out to his extreme dismay, that

    just like that Robot Chicken sketch pointed out, those 66 virgins all turned out to be a bunch of 20-something

    nerds that had all lived with their parents and spent all their time debating the numerous inconsistencies in both

    the Star Wars and Star Trek movies. Shlomo was later quoted as simply saying "Goddamn it! They lied to me again!"

    7). Tired of the endless chaffing caused by inferior lotions, Shlomo announced his own brand of lubricants and

    lotions. He was quoted as saying "No longer are we to be let down by spit and ineffectual lotions, no, soon the

    whole world will be going up and down with my Shlomotion."tm

    If Dan or Omega don't beat me to it, I'll be first in line to try it out. I'll let you know how it works after

    giving myself a self high-five:)

    8). After many years of being a fan, Shlomo finally attempted to live out his life-long dream, and auditioned as

    the new member of Bruce Springsten and the Eat shit, I mean E Street band. Despite his enthusiasm and boundless

    energy, Bruce turned the poor young Hungstien down. Never one to give up on his dreams, Shlomo started his own band

    called "Ben Hungstein and the Kosher Street band." He's joined by former E Street drummer, Max Weinstein.

    9). Despite many months and weeks of professing his undying hatred for current Suicide Squad writer Adam Glass, it

    was recently discovered that not only was Shlomo in fact a total Adam Glass fan, but that he was also the finding

    member and leader of the Adam Glass fan club. When asked why and how this could've have happened, Shlomo was quoted

    as saying "I did it for the nookie, the nookie, and you can take that cookie, and stick it up your ass. Oh and for

    the money of course you silly goose."

    10). It was recently revealed that Sholmo, despite his claims to the contrary, is now know to be working for Dildo/Douche Comics. Not only that, it also been revealed that he is in fact the true writer of the current Suicide Squad series, and that "Adam Glass" is his pen name. When asked why the duplicity in his own blog, he was quoted as saying "I just did to mess with those poor, stupid gentiles. He he."

  4. Oh, and for some reason I didn't get your e-mail, so re-send it or something. It's

    1. hey man your comments remind me of the Onion newspaper. i'll give it a more thorough read over later tonight when i have some more time. as for the email thing i did a "reply" so there's no way i could have got your address wrong check your spam folder.
      anyways, this is the message i sent you:
      this is an online article from this anti-Israel website that has a summary of all the pro-Israel activities from this month in the SF Bay Area including the whole gay pride stuff from last week. among other things they lifted and placed a video a friend of mine and I did at the Israel in the Gardens Festival earlier this month in SF. they called me out as a "pro-Israel agitator" and used my full name several times. toward the end of the video i give a little monologue and go through some of the pages of an issue of Captain Israel :

    2. Nice. Stir that pot baby! As they say, there's no such thing as bad publicity, just bad PR:)

  5. You made some decent points there. I looked on the internet for the issue and found most individuals will go along with with your opinion. Thanks!

    1. thanks for coming by but i'm not sure who's comment you're replying to exactly.